Mae Dreams

Hello whoever might be out there, To answer my question bluntly, yes. Yes it was. I am dreading the stupid small talk back at school because I do not know what I am going to say. I have spent most of today trying to formulate an answer to that forsaken question. I don't even know where this week has gone. Part of me hoped that sitting down and writing a blog post at the end of each day would provide me with some sort of closure, signifying the end of one day and the start of the next, but it really hasn't done that as successfully as I had wished. The days all blur into one when you don't really have anything to do.  I guess I have spent the time somehow, time passes no matter what you do with it. I just know hearing stories of people going on these magnificent holidays or grand days out will make me wish I did more. I really do want to do more, but I don't know how. And I seem to think the more precious time off I have, the more likely the cure to boredom is just going...

Hello whoever might be out there, I have an obsession with any life but my own. Any universe. Any world. I absolutely love Pokémon. I would give anything to wake up and live in the Pokémon world, having my own little friends, battling and entering contests. It would be the dream. Ironically, I am terrified of anything that moves. I would have an arc like Lillie's in the Sun and Moon anime. It would be the best thing ever. Or maybe I will wake up a magical world. Where I am a witch. I loved The Worst Witch books as a child. Living in a world like that would be the actual best. I have no other words really to describe how cool that would be. It is a feeling I struggle to put into words. But unfortunately that is not the world I live in. I am forever confined to this one reality. And that does sting. Because people are so creative with the alternate worlds we make in media, and that to know they are nothing but fiction, is saddening. We are forever confined to this one, miserable worl...

Hello whoever might be out there, My day has been filled with nothing but procrastinated task after procrastinated task. You will never guess where I got the idea for today's blog from? (Answer: I was procrastinating writing it, there are plenty of other, better, times in the day to write a blog other than 11pm.) Everyone procrastinates. There are things in life we just do not want to do, therefore we put them off as long as possible. Like today, I procrastinated doing my maths homework. Why? Who knows, I literally google all of the answers anyway so it isn't like it is hard. I also procrastinated writing up my notes for my Drama coursework exam. And I still haven't finished it. I know it is important, so why on Earth am I trying to delay it for so long? I suppose there is only me to blame if I turn up on Tuesday with nothing to write about. But my procrastination has gotten so bad that I have started procrastinating things I love doing, such as writing this blog. I also pr...

Hello whoever might be out there, I have nothing to say about today. Or so I thought when I was brainstorming of ideas for today's blog. I am using my classic technique of typing every blurry thought that comes into my head with the hopes of something coherent coming out. I'll say I did nothing today, but what I really mean is that I did nothing of notable worth. Nothing particularly blog worthy unless you want to hear about my bath (I was reminded once again why I hate baths.) But I suppose I still have something to say. Having nothing to say is saying something in itself. It's an acknowledgement. An awareness. It is you comparing the tasks you did in the day with what the societal standard of worth is. It is belittling. I enjoyed my day despite not really doing anything of worth. I like scrolling through social media and listening to music. To me, that is fun. And that is okay. Spend your day doing "nothing", because "nothing" is still something. And t...

Hello whoever might be out there,  I started this blog because I love writing but I have an irrational fear of the internet. It amazes me how comfortable people are showing their face and lives for the entire world to see while I am sat here rereading a TikTok comment twenty times over just to make sure I haven't accidently insulted the recipient's mother. Nine times out of ten I end up not posting the comment and scrolling five posts down as if I am hiding the embarrassment of what I just did. There will be a day where my twenty internet personas all blend into one. Mae Dreams will meet Robin Skye and Arrow Radio. Maybe even Cookie Crumbs or Toadaya will rise from the graves. I am starting to forget which platform has what, entering five varying username and password combinations every time I try to log in to anywhere looks rather suspicious. All of this just to keep the humble internet user guessing. It's not like I have anything to hide, I can't imagine it being the ...

Hello whoever might be out there, Why is everything so serious? I mean, even something as simple as a trip to the hairdressers suddenly becomes a series of twenty life or death decisions. Sometimes I simply do not know! I just want a haircut that will look good but will be practical. I feel as if we are asked so many questions while going about our daily lives that sometimes we just need to rest. Do I want a receipt? Do I want your leaflet? Do I want large or medium? How was my day? Have I got any plans? I have become so used to saying the "obvious" answer that even the word "obvious" has lost its meaning. I was talking to my hairdresser and said "Obviously because she speaks French..." What is wrong with me? That isn't obvious at all! Every day has turned less into living and more like a constant quiz, a bombardment of questions that I have to fight my way through. I wish everything was just a bit more obvious. If only you could actually read my mind....

Hello whoever might be out there,  I had my interview for college today. It went perfectly to be honest, couldn't have wished for anything better. It just made me wonder what my next steps actually are? I can't stay rotting in my room forever. There has to be a point where I decide enough is enough and that I need to do something with my life. People will say I don't need to panic because I am only 16 and that I shouldn't compare myself to others, but that is literally impossible when I am in a building of people my age, 5 days a week. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but comparison also brings about change. It is as if I am waiting for one big event or opportunity to be handed to me at my doorstep, which would be ideal to be honest. One big change that will all happen in an instant and suddenly my life will be perfect, but I know that will never happen. But I am not doing bad either; why should I go out and chase this "perfect" life when the one I hav...

Hello whoever might be out there,  I have sat here for the last hour trying to think of something to say about today. But I have nothing. And that is okay. I give myself these writing challenges in the hope that I will come up with some creative genius on every single day, but that isn't always possible. In fact I am impressed that I even made it to day two. You would have thought that I would know myself well enough by now to not start challenges like these that require daily consistency because then I feel forced to do it. And I hate being forced to do things. Yet here I am, once again pushing myself. Trying to force out that creative spark. Convinced that the more I try and force it, the easier it will flow. There's only so many times I can say "I did nothing today." I mean, I went to my Grandma's house, sure, but people have become so used to that being my answer to the question "What did you do over the weekend?" That it isn't an interesting ans...

Hello whoever might be out there,  It's that time again. Half term. A whole week to sit and mellow in my own thoughts while trying fifty new hobbies just to pass the time. Stuck indoors. I went shopping today. Bought some lip glosses, thought it might help me feel that tiny bit more feminine; I really am clutching at straws here. My phone tells me I spent 46 minutes on Vinted - I spent 46 minutes gawping at the price of clothes that I never will get my hands on. I did some colouring, although I think the book I bought at a discount for only 50p has AI slop in it. I never realised there was a road running under London bridge. I made a playlist on the Nintendo Music app. A "Calm mix." Scrolling through every single song of all the Nintendo games I have played, sorting them into which fit my idea of calm. Ironically, I only had the patience to listen to the first few seconds of each. I think that just shows why I needed a calm mix in the first place. I played TCGP for an hou...

Hello whoever might be out there, I hate Valentine's day. And I am not just making that controversial sweeping statement to be a party pooper. And no, I am not being salty just because I don't have a partner of my own. In fact, it is the opposite. I am glad I do not have a partner right now, because that means I have absolutely zero moral consequences for not buying anyone overpriced cheap crap. Because nothing says "I love you" more than a Poundland mug with a teddy crammed into it. It is really painful to see so much rubbish being sold just for the sake of a single day, but calling this out gets you called a spoilsport. What exactly am I spoiling? Not my problem if you struggle to show love to your partner in a way that doesn't involve a thoughtless shopping spree in B&M. Everything has become about money. I mean, be honest, who had ever thought that "Galentines" was a serious idea, because there are people out there that do. People out there that ...

Hello whoever might be out there, One of my favourite possessions is my Nintendo 3ds. I love that thing like my child. I have a case for it decorated with a bunch of fish stickers I bought specifically for that purpose. The 3ds is a truly magical thing. Tomodachi Life is also a masterpiece, but in an odd way. It is like a lot of life simulators in a way, you create characters for your town based on whoever you want, give them food and clothes, and next thing you know your brother and Princess Peach are married with two kids, named Toad and Toadette respectively. But this game is different to other life simulators I have played. There's no obsessive house building like in the Sims. And there is no confusing cave systems like in Stardew Valley. And no tedious material collecting like in Animal Crossing... and also Stardew Valley. This game simply just is. There is no complicated systems or secret hacks to learn. You are nothing more than this overseeing God on this tiny island of whi...

Hello whoever might be out there, I have recently been opened up to the world of religion by a friend of mine, specifically Christianity. I can confidently say I have never been so confused about anything in my life, and I am sitting higher tier GCSE maths for crying out loud! It is crazy to me to think that people can believe so strongly in something and yet have such little proof, but it is beautiful regardless. I guess that is what faith is. The passion is palpable. It really is a community like no other, all united by faith.  The service I went to was a meet up of several youth groups in the area, aimed at teenagers, but it was very clear from the start that it was for teenagers who already have an established connection with religion, mainly those raised with it. As someone who fits into neither of those categories, having my youth leader try to give me a crash course in the story of Zacchaeus was definitely an experience. For a community who claim to be welcoming, I felt rath...

Hello whoever might be out there, I have always had such a strong passion for writing and rambling, so where better to do that than a blog? I have opinions on a lot of things, and sometimes yelling them out into the void of the internet will do me some good. Letting my words linger for eternity has a slight scariness to it though, the fact something so innocent and irrelevant as a mere blog post can linger for all of eternity. But I am making the conscious decision to take comfort in that fact. To know that even if I am no longer here, my words will be. Forever immortalised as an anonymous blog poster.  I want to be as anonymous as possible, if that even is possible? I am not going to do one of those fun facts about myself lists, that sort of information will just be fed in drips and drabs over time. The only information I feel is actually relevant is that I am a teenager from England. I want to give people something to think about. Something to mellow over in their spare time. I a...