I got soul, but I'm not a soldier - Soul (Spoilers)

Hello whoever might be out there, 

I decided to watch Soul again, like I'm on some 2020 nostalgia train that felt the need to do a few more loops for whatever reason, but this time I got off at Disney+ for a trip to Crisis Lane. I am only 17, which sometimes feels like equal parts exciting and dread-filling. So what better to watch than the story of a man who couldn't be further from me, learn about the meaning of life through a corrupt corporation's underappreciated creatives?

"Soul" is thought provoking and tear jerking. It led me to wonder whether my personality can be summed up into six brownie-badge style components? Am I the same for everyone? Which traits I display are the real ones? What do I really love? What's my "thing"?

In my own self-absorbed way, I could imagine myself being a lost soul. No true passions or desires. Sure people that know me could probably spew up a couple. I love Splatoon an unhealthy amount, or maybe they'd go with Bob's Burgers. I like debating too, or maybe my grades would be the focus. Maybe the point of the film was to point out the absurdity of it all, that nobody has one clearly defined thing that fuels them. Or maybe I am too self-aware to know what mine would be. I think mine would be something boring, like being lazy, being in my bed, on my various forms of technology, trying to carve my life into something from the online sphere instead of going out and making a real impact. Bit sad really, isn't it?

Thinking too much about the system is very "me". I liked that about 22, she was almost too aware of what she needed to find and achieve, to the point where it completely escaped her. I am obsessed with trying to figure out how everything works. Not on a micro-scale, I couldn't care less about how a washing machine works or whatever. I care more about society as a whole. How different groups interact, how intersectionality is the only way forward, what pushes us to speak differently or believe different religions. Ultimately it's these systems that really matter, understanding the world around us is the only way forward, and as someone that doesn't always feel like they fit in said world, I want to know why, and what I can do to change that.

Is the question really how I can change? Or is it that I need to find where I fit? Who I fit with? Like I'm a piece of a larger puzzle. I feel like an edge piece someone is trying to desperately cram into the middle, when really I just need my corner. I must fit somewhere, everyone does. Everyone has their slot in the puzzle to complete the picture for it to all work together, but too many of us feel like puzzle pieces forgotten under sofas or lost in boxes with the wrong puzzle altogether.

22 needed to fit into the puzzle first before her picture was revealed to her. Lived experience of being in the right place at the right time with the right people, and suddenly blurry pixels turned into a clear life image. I'm not entirely sure how my soul would've been sent to Earth, I'm still trying to figure out what that picture looks like for me, who my fellow puzzle pieces are, what it is we're trying to create. Maybe I am spending too much time exploring other people's puzzles rather than finding my own. There's some beautiful pictures out there, communities that all fit together like glue, working perfectly together.

I think I am in the wrong puzzle. Or maybe in the wrong place. Am I even a puzzle piece? Maybe I am just a standalone picture. Are we puzzle pieces? Or are we all pictures in collages? 

This is what this film does to you. Through a beautiful soundtrack, compelling story, and stunning visuals. It gets you thinking about your own life. And while the finale prompts you to live life by every minute, I believe that is only for people who have their puzzle completed, with the image clear as day. Nobody knows what to do with a blurry image.

Maybe my purpose is to make blurry images clear again? Only then will I know where my own piece fits.

Yours faithfully,

MD