I haven't forgotten you

Hello whoever might be out there, 

I haven't forgotten you. I know you're there. Always in the back of my mind. But there hasn't been a spark or a moment. Nothing that caused me to come sprinting here like a lost child being found. I've done stuff, sure, lots of stuff. I took part in a debate competition, there was Christmas and New Year's Day, my birthday, mocks, and probably a bunch of other things I could write about. How I am doing an album a day this year or how I had a job for a while. But nothing felt particularly striking. I mean sure, I could tease out a million stories if it was life or death, but I have control over my art (a little bit at least) and bog standard recounts wouldn't do anything to anyone. Even the nature of this very post is ironic, I feel like I spend most of my time here ranting about how I have nothing to say. How I am nothing more than a poser who has a blog for the aesthetic (which I feel like I should clarify is not true). 

Which now has me thinking about why I have a blog in the first place? I rant a lot, that's definitely part of it. I have a lot of opinions on very irrelevant things but I want to share them regardless with the hopes of one day being in a situation where I can forward a post of mine, which I have actually been in once but it wasn't the main character moment I expected it to be. I guess then that it's simply an outlet like any other. Like how I make TikTok edits to show I like a show or video game, I write blog posts to show I am "emotionally charged" where it doesn't count. So maybe the answer to this never-ending idea block is to start caring more about more irrelevant things, so if anyone has suggestions please do let me know. I'd say I'd do a reader suggestion series, but that would require readers in the first place, and promoting a blog on a very outdated and irrelevant website is attempting the impossible. I keep meaning to check out SubStack or whatever it's called, maybe that's the move after I finish rambling on this.

Editing is important, but I keep it to a minimum wherever possible. I want this to feel more like I'm leaving you hour long voice notes than a published, proper article. That's the fun part of my blogs, you can read the title but you will never truly know what you are clicking on until you reach the end. The train of thought is sometimes logical but never guaranteed. And if you think the published blogs are rambling, you don't even want to think about some of the atrocities in my drafts. Worst case scenario I might post one someday. It would be... something.

But now I got distracted, so this post may also be... something.

Yours faithfully, 

MD

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